Have you ever noticed how wonderful the sun feels when you've been cold? How bright the clear sky looks after a rainy day? How refreshing fresh air smells after something stinky has invaded your nose? How healing a belly laugh feels after you've cried?

I think that it is the contrast between two things that enhances our appreciation for the desired thing. Like the first day of vacation after a hard year of work and dreaming of freedom. The deliciousness of food when you've worked up a good appetite by walking long and hard outside. The refreshing taste of a cold drink after experiencing the driest throat.

When John and I hit the road on our California Odyssey two and a half years ago, after working fulltime for decades, our time traveling in the Jazz was pure utopia. A leisurely breakfast together at McDonald's on a weekday morning was luxurious beyond words. Not going to work every morning felt like the ultimate freedom.

Today, after two and a half years of living in campgrounds and parks to result in a failure to succeed in making a permanent home in one of the California coastal communities that we love is heartbreaking for John and me. We're not feeling the joy at McDonald's anymore (not a surprise to many of you I'm sure). NOT having a job doesn't feel like freedom anymore. Living in a park, even a 450-acre one has lost its freshness.

We've come to a place where I don't even know what a contrast might be to the lives we've lead the past thirty months. I have to say it feels a bit like we've hit the wall. Something critical seems to be missing. Just trying to keep it real.

I hope that you're enjoying invigorating contrasts in your world. Or at least peace.


MargieAnne said...

I do hope you find renewed joy and pleasure very soon.

Many people go through a phase like this when a major lifestyle change has taken place.

I wonder if you need to be challenged. Or maybe you need to stir up your creative juices.

I'm sure this season will pass and you will be full of the excitement and joy of life again.


The Good Luck Duck said...

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling sad. You've had a big disappointment, and it would be odd not to be sad. I hope you give yourself time to sit with it so it can sort itself out.


Paul and Marti Dahl said...

I'm sorry that you feel so down over the seeming wall that has stopped your dreams.

I know in my own life, the defeats that I had turned into the greatest blessings.

Hang in there, we're pulling for you that a new path will open for you soon.

Paul and Marsha Weaver...OCT. 17, 2009 said...

I think your feelings are very normal. We have only been traveling a little over 3 years, and I get those same feelings...I want something more permanent, no more packing up and moving on. I will say the one thing that pulls me back to reality is seeing God's great wonders. I am so Blessed to be able to see his precious gifts to the world. I just marvel at the mountains, stars and oceans. I just can't image how He thought all this up! Just amazing.
You must do what makes you two happy, and if traveling isn't it, then so be it. I pray you find happiness around the next corner. ~wheresweaver

Kate said...

Boy can I ever relate. But you know what? Life is cyclical, and the good will come around again. I know that's not real helpful right now, but in your heart you know its the truth. I'm trying to learn to just go with it, even when I'm feeling down. Treat yourself like you would treat your very best friend, be kind and gentle.

Me and My Dog said...

I'd bet most full-timers get to the place you're in sooner or later. I wonder when it will happen to me. I can see how a little more stability can look good after a few years of traveling and not knowing what's around the next corner.

Sometimes it's best to just sit and feel and wait, and not make any decisions until the obvious one comes to you.

California is a tough state in many respects. I was born and raised there, and moved around the state from place to place for a number of years. I wonder if you guys would find the peace you're looking for in a state that's easier to live in.

California housing is very expensive, gas is more than most other places, taxes are high, shopping is expensive, RV Parks are very expensive, it is not business friendly and jobs are hard to find. It's a beautiful state, but at this point I don't see it as being "user friendly."

Good luck - I hope you find the perfect solution. :)

Wanderin' said...

I think what you're feeling is normal. Sometimes we love what we're doing and sometimes I just want to go home. Home is where the family is. It's a tough call. Lots of luck in working through what how you feel and what you really want to do.

Sandy said...

I can totally understand how you feel. Heck, we've been in San Carlos (MX) trying to get the boat ready to go for TWO months. We thought we'd be able to leave the dock on Thursday but then an engine issue had to be dealt with. I was so depressed I could hardly stand myself! All is ready now and tomorrow we are going to a beautiful anchorage just north of here. I can't count the times things haven't worked out as I wanted but I do know that the new direction I was taken to was always better than what I thought I wanted. Hang in there. Maybe you should explore some more? Washington & Oregon are gorgeous and much cheaper when it comes to living at the coast. Life is a beautiful thing. Breathe and enjoy.

Sue and Doug said...

one door closes and another one opens!..hang in there Levonne..things will work out in the end!
we all have dreams and sometimes they seem to be so far beyond the grasp of reality..we just make it through one day at a time..that's all we can do for now..
the dreams are still alive just not as consuming as they were before.

Merikay said...

Perhaps you will find peace and security as a contrast to stress and uncertainty.

Life isn't always what we want or expect.

Did you enjoy your recent trip? If so, perhaps you two could do some camp hosting in other parts of the country.

Merikay said...
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Jolly Ollie said...

I hope that you win the lottery and then you can have the both of best worlds!

You are in my prayers~

E Squared and Mui said...

The circle of life will continue, leading you to the decision that is right for you.

parker said...
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